Inventory
by Pinerug
Summary: Internal monologue of Molly, set in Episode 2


**One of my favourite scenes of the series is in Episode 2, Molly is enjoying the view of Captain James working out in the FOB's 'gym'. Yes, for the obvious reasons, but also because it beautifully portrays a young woman starting to understand and appreciate her own sexual desires. This is Molly's internal monologue as she watches Captain James. It's not all smutty ogling, there's also a bit of reflection on how much she has experienced in Afghanistan and how this is challenging what she knew.**

**This is my first solo attempt at fanfic, although I am also a contributor to the Mumsnet CJCollective. Thanks to all of you Mumsnetters for your encouragement.**

**Characters belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC.**

**Episode 2. Two section have returned from patrol to find Smurf back from Bastion. He's trying to build a few bridges, starting with a cup of tea for Molly who has her mind on other things  
**  
Smurf is wittering on about 'being there for me' and trying it on as usual. I'm not really listening any more. Just letting him gabble away, feeding him a 'yeah, whatever' every time he goes a bit quiet.

I'm knackered. I haven't been sleeping. This tour is exhausting. Patrols most days, the heat, the dust, the constant banter; it's doing my nut in. It's like being stuck in a house full of kids, except there's no getting away. No getting pissed on a Friday night and dancing till my feet can't take no more. And Christ on a bike I'm horny. We've been here months and I don't think I've ever gone so long without scratching that itch. I wouldn't go with any of this bunch. No shitting on my own doorstep as Nan would say. I learnt my lesson with all that crap with Smurf.

Now Smurf is back and I can tell he wants to make it up to me. He's ok. Fun, a bit cocky, don't take no for an answer. He came on like that the first time I met him. Cheeky, sure of himself. I thought he was alright really. He kissed good, told me I smelt nice, that I felt amazing. He got me there before he came. He was sweet. He said he'd call and I really thought he would. It was weeks before I stopped hoping. Seeing him there at Brize was a punch in the gut. But they say the army is a small place, don't I bleedin' know it.

Some of the guys are working out in the gym we've got set up here. Sometimes you come back from patrol all hyped up, and need to work it off. I can't stop myself looking at the Captain. He's not really my type. I bet he's not one for a bunk up round the back of the pub. I bet he's all walks in the county, log fires and that, like a proper Rupert.

I'm trying to keep it low key, but Smurf can tell I'm not paying attention. He's trying to work out what I'm looking at. I rip the piss a bit more. Poor sod thinks he's in with a chance. He won't wear me down again, not after how the lads were when he told them about Guildford. I'm not some slag like he said. He never got shit for shagging me, they probably thought he was some hero, for bagging a new recruit.

The boss is lifting weights, lying back on the bench, he's all long and lean. Not bulging muscles like one of them strippers Mum and Mrs Sharon went to see, not scrawny neither. Lean and strong. Some COs just yell at you from the sidelines but bossman gets stuck in, runs with us. First PT session with him was hell. Full kit in all this heat. He could have sat on his arse and just shouted, lots of them do.

This is getting bad. Proud Mary used to laugh and call it 'horny Molly', but this ain't home and horny Molly ain't coming out. She's staying in her box. Nan says I'm just like mum, I forget to think with my head and let my urges take over. That's not happening. I've worked too hard to fuck up now.

Captain James has taken off his shirt. It ain't helping. I can't look away. He's got a nice chest. Strong. Flat stomach. His trousers hang low on his hips. Makes you think there's nothing on underneath. Oh god, I have to stop looking.

Every time the captain lifts the weights his hips thrust forward a little. Imagine what it would be like with those hips between my thighs; slow, small thrusts. I bet he'd do things proper nice. What would his skin feel like against mine? What would it feel like to press myself against his back, to wrap my arms around him, to feel those abs under my fingers as I went lower, beneath his waistband? To kiss his shoulders? Moving round him, kissing his chest, up his neck, my hands in his hair as he lowers his lips to mine? Shit, I gotta stop this.

I've been trying to distract myself. I've been doing inventory in the med tent every day for weeks, to keep me out of trouble. I know what's in there down to the last steri strip.

There's something about the boss that I can't explain. He's a good CO. When Smurf told me how he'd gone to get Geraint and that he'd do the same of any of us I didn't believe him. Maybe for one of his lads, but I didn't think he would do that for someone like me. I thought he was harsh, but when we got to the FOB and they shot at us I could see; he thought I was taking the piss, that I didn't know what I was getting myself in for. He was right in a way. I knew my drills, and once I got my nut sorted I knew the soldier bit fine. I didn't expect to see life going on around me in all of this. People shopping, gossiping, walking about just like anywhere really. I don't know what I thought a war zone would be like really.

But he's alright. He understood that I was worried for all of us when Smurf was all twitchy at the start. He comes to the med tent with his blisters even though they ain't so bad. He can talk to me different there. There's a bit of banter, I can talk to him about things that are on my mind and he seems to listen. Sometimes I'll look up and he's looking at me so hard, really intense. He has a habit of standing so close, looking at me with those brown eyes. He's so close I could touch him, I have to look up to him and he makes me feel delicate and feminine, which is pretty hard in full kit. Sometimes when he's standing close and looking at me like that I think he's looking at Molly, not Private Dawes. I'll see his hand twitch out the corner of my eye or he'll make a little sighing noise and I have to use all my will power not to reach up and run my hands through his hair or touch his face. He always smells nice and clean. Just faintly of soap.

I'm doing all I can not to let myself have these thoughts. They're dangerous. I dreamt about him one night. We were walking. It was dark and quiet. I held his hand and we were walking through empty streets. No one was there. We got to a house, we went inside and he led me up the stairs into a bedroom. He stood close and I could smell his clean smell. He looked at me and kissed me gently, his hands moving over my body, down, over my back, down to my bum, up under my shirt. He undressed me slowly, and I didn't feel embarrassed. He laid me on the bed and kissed down my body, slowly over my stomach, down further. Just as he was heading lower I woke up all sweaty and breathless. My hands were between my legs and under my shorts. I can't be thinking like this. He's my CO, he's a Rupert. Someone like him wouldn't look at someone like me like that.

The other night I climbed up on top if the shitter. No one goes up there. The stars were amazing. I could look at them for hours. Helps to sort out my nut. There's so much we take for granted, even here. We thought life was tough in Newham, but it's not a patch on this place. Kids playing out here need to know about minefields, they've grown up surrounded by soldiers. Seeing their dads go out the door with an AK47 like I'd watch dad load his pockets up with baccy and papers, like it's normal. All those guns and danger everywhere. And they have so little, playing games with stones, they get excited when we give them pens. Back home the house is in a riot when the wifi or sky box goes down.

How do you go back to that after being here? I'm only halfway through this tour and already my nut is fragged. I think about what we're doing here, do they want us? What's going to happen to these kids when we go? Are we making things better or making more trouble? Boss man says it's not our place to think like that, that we follow orders and trust them above us. I would've thought someone with his education would be thinking about this stuff more. I mean I do and I never even got any GCSEs.

My tea has gone cold; I've barely touched it. Smurf has wandered off to boast about his wound to someone from 3 section. Looking over to the gym I notice the boss and some of the lads are finishing off their workouts. Their bodies shiny with sweat, chests rising &amp; falling from the exertion. They're cracking jokes, flicking their rolled up t shirts at Mansfield as he struggles through the last of his push ups. Captain James picks up his t shirt and wipes the sweat from his face and neck with it. The sun flickers through the camo netting, his body almost glistens.

He notices me looking, catches my eye and starts to walk over. I gulp down my tea and hope he hasn't noticed my staring. "Dawes, you do realise that in order to get the full benefit of the gym you really should try using it?" he says giving me a grin. "I think you've spent long enough observing, don't you?"

Ah shit, has he rumbled me? Quick, think. "I'm just waiting for the Zumba class to start Boss" I reply, finishing my tea. "Looks like I've been let down again. I'll get on with the inventory of the med tent instead".


End file.
